B is for Barf: A Weasley Christmas Jumper fic
by dracosoftie
Summary: A Christmas fic for Rani, featuring not one, but TWO different pairings, ugly Christmas jumpers and a sexy sheriff's outfit. Happy Christmas, indeed! Theo/Blaise and Harry/Draco. Warnings for slash, language and explicit sexual content.


***

This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, various publishers including but not limited to Bloomsbury Books, Scholastic Books and Raincoat Books, and Warner Bros., Inc. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.

**Author's note:** For Rani Hindustani, because she always knows just what to say to make me smile and squee. Your reviews are awesome! Her requests were a tacky Christmas sweater, a Blaise/Theo pairing and a sexy sheriff's outfit with fishnet stockings, handcuffs and combat boots. Hope you don't mind I added a Harry/Draco pairing, since it was too hot to pass up. *grins*

***

"Like hell."

Theo closed his eyes, sighing. This was not optional. There was no room for negotiation.

"You've already made us late. It's an hour less you'll have to wear the blasted thing. Just put it on so we can go."

Theo took a few deep breaths, willing himself to keep his temper. They'd been at this for the better part of an hour. He'd been through all the phases of persuasion he knew – he'd cajoled, complimented, begged and seduced. All that was left was threatening.

"He'll kill you if you don't show up," he warned, narrowing his eyes as he watched the other man smirk.

"He wouldn't kill me. Don't be so melodramatic. He'd go for a mid-level hex at best. And I doubt _he's_ wearing one of these –" he broke off, sneering as he held the jumper gingerly between pinched fingers, as though he was afraid it might bite him, "–things."

Theo swallowed, feeling the vein in his neck throb painfully. He loved Blaise. He did. They'd been together for years, a happily committed couple. No one had believed two of Slytherin's biggest players could be faithful to each other, but they had been. Up until this point, Theo had never regretted his decision to shirk his familial duty and refuse an arranged marriage. Because who wanted a pawn instead of a partner? What fun was it sharing a life with someone who was contractually bound to obey you? Today, though, after an hour of arguing with an increasingly shirty Blaise, he had to admit there might be times it would be nice to snap his fingers and know his orders had to be followed.

"_He_ was wearing one when he dropped them off," Theo snapped, his fingers rubbing against his temples, trying to assuage the pounding headache he'd developed twenty minutes into the argument.

"I highly doubt _that_," Blaise smirked, wrinkling his nose at the offending garment.

"For the love of all that is holy, Blaise, just put the damn thing on so we can go! I'll be buggered if I'm going to miss the entire thing just because you were too poncy to wear the bloody jumper!"

The darker wizard's eyebrows shot up appraisingly as he considered Theo's words. _Damn_, Theo thought, realizing his mistake. _I've shunted us back to the seduction part of the negotiation, when all I really meant to do was make him angry enough to prove me wrong._

"Buggery sounds like a much better use of our time than the party anyway. It's usually boring," Blaise purred, his lips curving in a devious smile as he saw the flicker of hesitation in Theo's eyes. "Wouldn't you rather spend your Christmas here, in bed?"

Theo waffled, unsure of how to proceed. On one hand, he really did want to go. On the other, he was exhausted from fighting with Blaise. His eyes drifted down to his own attire, once again wondering what about it had Blaise so upset. This level of disgust was pretty rare – usually reserved for truly horrific experiences, like the time Pansy forced them to go on a double date with her and a Muggle. _A Muggle!_ Theo remembered the scene with a snort, recalling how Blaise had locked himself in the restroom at the restaurant seconds after meeting Pansy and her unfortunate date. It wouldn't have been so bad, except he'd opted for the dramatic instead of the practical, closing off the entrance to the restroom with a nearly impenetrable stone wall instead of using a simple Locking charm that any second year could have performed discreetly.

_Then again, that's Blaise_, he thought sourly, frowning as he watched the wizard in question cast spell after spell at the wool jumper, all negated by negligent flicks of Theo's own wand. He knew if Blaise really wanted to destroy the piece of clothing he'd have done it already – this was just showmanship. And Theo knew what that meant.

"You've already decided you'll go, I can tell," he said, rolling his eyes. He sighed as he Banished a particularly nasty _Incendio_, barely catching it in time before the jumper went up in flames. "Just save me the time and trouble and get to the part where you give up so we can go."

Blaise stuck his tongue out at Theo, and the other wizard briefly wondered if this was a new seduction tactic or a sign of capitulation. As he watched the pink tongue trail along Blaise's plump lower lip, Theo was inclined to think seduction. But then, surprisingly, Blaise picked up the jumper and pulled it over his head, re-sizing it with a spell so it looked tailored instead of lumpy, like Theo's was.

He let his eyes travel over Blaise's fit body, admiring the close fit of his brushed wool trousers and the way the jumper now hugged his muscled torso. Blaise grinned at him, casting the same spell over Theo's misshapen jumper. He felt the yarn pull and pucker around him, slightly relieved when he looked down to find Blaise had in fact re-sized it. He wouldn't put it past the other man to have charmed it to be even more hideous than it already was. After all, they _were_ Slytherin.

He held his hand out, letting out a sigh of relief when Blaise twined their fingers. _Thank Merlin_, Theo thought, squeezing Blaise's hand as they Disapparated.

***

"You see, children, all of the letters have a hidden meaning," he heard Blaise say, rounding the corner just in time to see the tall wizard crouching among a gaggle of mostly red-haired children.

"My jumper, for instance, has the letter B," Blaise continued, helpfully pointing to the letter in question. "As you can tell from the disgusting color combination, B is for Barf."

The kids giggled, and Theo's eyes narrowed. Was Blaise just having fun, or finding a new way of taking the piss out of Molly and her Christmas jumpers? The witch would have a fit if she overheard.

"You, Rosie, have an R on your jumper," he said. The girl looked down at her own homemade jumper, studying the letter. Blaise tweaked her nose, making her giggle. "It's clear to me that R stands for Revolting in this instance."

Theo held back a laugh, not wanting to draw Blaise's attention or encourage him in any way. This was all well and good, but if Molly – or Merlin forbid, Hermione – got wind of this, none of them would ever hear the end of it.

"Hugo, yours is bad, too," Blaise said, his expression solemn. The kids all peered at the small boy's jumper, their eyes wide. "H is for Horrible, I'm afraid. Rough luck."

Hugo laughed, wrinkling his nose at Blaise, who shot them all a look of mock surprise.

"What, you don't believe me?" he asked, his hands pressed to his chest as though hurt. He let his long legs slide out from underneath him, smoothly moving from a crouch to lying prone on the floor.

"We believe you, Uncle Blaise!" the group chorused, laughing as Blaise sat back up, pulling Dominique into his lap.

"Shall we continue, then?" he asked, chuckling when they all screamed he should. "Dominique, I hate to tell such a pretty girl something so awful, but I'm afraid there's no way around it. Your jumper is atrocious. The D clearly stands for Disgusting."

He pulled on one of her braids, earning himself a smack across the chest. He released the giggling girl, easing himself back into his former crouch.

"What about me, Uncle Blaise?" Roxanne asked, her lower lip stuck out in a pout.

"Oh, Roxie," Blaise said, shaking his head sadly. "Yours is one of the worst of all. Rosie's R was bad, but yours is worse."

"What is it? What is it?" several of the children chirped.

"Well," he whispered, his lips twitching when they all scooted closer so they could hear him. "Roxie's jumper is truly ghastly. Her R must stand for Repulsive."

The group exploded into fresh peals of laughter, and Blaise grabbed Roxie, pressing a kiss to her forehead. With a brother like Fred, she was used to getting overlooked. He was a troublemaker of the first order, just like his namesake. Roxie was also one of the quietest of the bunch, which meant she was often overlooked or ignored, since the child who yelled the loudest was usually the first to be noticed or helped. Theo was relieved to see that Blaise was drawing her into their little game, making her feel like she was just as much a part of things as her cousins. He worried about her, having been a pretty quiet child himself.

Theo knew he must have shifted or made some other noise, since Blaise looked up suddenly, their eyes locking. He felt a quiver of unease – and desire – at the mischief he saw in those dark depths. Blaise raised a challenging brow, his lips quirked in a wicked smile.

"Freddie, your jumper is so horrible I can barely say it," Blaise said, his eyes never leaving Theo's. The other man started toward the group, worried about what might come out of Blaise's mouth. Everything up until this point had been rather tame, if not in poor taste. He'd have stopped the game earlier, but Theo was quite sure that all of Molly's grandchildren were smart enough not to repeat any of this to her. They'd been on the receiving end of too many of her lectures to risk it.

"Your jumper embodies all –"

"What does embodies mean?" Rose asked, her brow furrowed.

_Just like her mother_, Blaise thought with a grin, obliging her with a definition. She thought about it for a moment, nodding for him to continue when she was sure she could correctly use the word herself.

"As I was saying –" Blaise said, clearing his throat and sending a look at Rose that made her giggle, "- young Freddie's jumper is the most worrisome of all. Because his jumper has the letter F, which stands for what I think making us wear these jumpers is, and that is –"

"Blaise!" Theo yelled, cutting him off before he could finish his sentence. He glared at the darker wizard, nodding toward the kids. "That's hardly appropriate for children –"

" – Foolish," Blaise finished, grinning when Theo's shoulders slumped. He turned back to the children, who were all watching Theo with wide eyes.

"What did you think Uncle Blaise was going to say, Uncle Theo?"

Theo's face colored at the earnest gazes now trained on him. He suddenly wished he'd given in this morning, and that he was cuddled up in bed with Blaise at the moment rather than here, trying to come up with a reasonable explanation.

"Your Uncle Theo was just chastising me for being so rude," Blaise said, his eyes full of amusement as he watched Theo squirm. "And he is right. Your Grandma Molly works very hard to make us these jumpers, and we should be grateful. Run along and thank her."

None of the children moved, much more interested in whatever was going on between their uncles.

"She has biscuits," Blaise said, grinning when the crowd dispersed quickly, everyone running off in search of sweets.

Theo cringed, watching them scatter throughout the house. He turned his gaze toward Blaise, his expression suspicious.

"You wouldn't really have –"

"Of course not," Blaise answered, rolling his eyes. "I knew you were there, which is why I started the game in the first place, and I thought I owed you."

"You _owed_ me?"

"For dragging me here," Blaise said, grinning. "But now I rather think you owe _me_ a debt, for saving you from a fate worse than death, which is what would have happened if you'd educated Hermione or Fleur's kids about _that_ particular word." He paused, his head cocked. "I rather think George's kids already know it."

Theo tried to fight his smile, his lips twitching with the effort of keeping his stern expression.

"I suppose you have an idea for how I could repay this debt, then?"

"Of course," Blaise purred, his sultry smile deepening when he saw the arousal flash in Theo's eyes.

***

"Fuck, you look hot like that," Theo groaned, hurrying to unfasten his trousers while Blaise pulled the ugly jumper up over his head.

The darker wizard growled something in response, but the words were muffled by the bunched wool currently covering his mouth. Theo's was already in a heap on the floor, his trousers soon joining them as they pooled around his feet.

Blaise finally pulled his arms and head free, tossing the jumper away without a glance. He didn't look to see where it landed, though he knew it couldn't be far – they were in a pretty constrained space.

He crawled into Theo's lap after getting rid of his own trousers, removing his completely so he could easily straddle the other man. Theo gasped as the warm, silky skin of Blaise's thighs brushed against his cock, the sound barely audible since Blaise had leaned down to capture his mouth in a scorching kiss.

"Spell?" Theo panted, fumbling on the seat for his wand.

Blaise shot a worried look around them, as though the thought they might be discovered any moment had just occurred to him.

"We'd better," he answered, squirming when Theo's Lubrication spell swept over him.

It was no substitute for a good finger-fucking or rim job, but they needed to hurry. Blaise braced his knees on the seat, his hands gripping Theo's naked shoulders for support. He lowered himself slowly on Theo's thick cock, enjoying the slight burn as he continued, not stopping until Theo was buried balls-deep in his arse.

"Shit," Theo hissed, a fine sheen of sweat appearing on his brow as he fought to stay in control. His body wanted nothing more than to thrust up into Blaise, but he knew needed to give the other man a chance to adjust after entering him with so little preparation.

"Mmm," Blaise answered, relaxing enough to begin to move. He rode Theo's cock, his fingers digging into the flesh of his shoulder as he found the angle that sent shivers of pleasure through him. "Good."

They were both already close, having spent a good portion of the day already half-hard from their earlier argument. Their fights always ended with sex, and both knew that their morning argument would be no different. That, paired with the thrill of having sex in such a risky, open place, was enough to have them thrusting at a frenzied pace, panting and gasping as their pleasure built quickly.

Blaise shifted, changing positions slightly so Theo's cock could slide across his prostate.

"Ahh," he hissed, his hand slipping off Theo's sweat-slicked shoulder. He lost his already-precarious balance, his fingers scrambling for purchase against the frosty window next to him. The heat from his skin cleared a path of fog away from the window, bring the outside into focus. "Fuck! Shit! Draco!"

Theo's eyes shot open, his rhythm faltering as his hips paused mid-thrust. Had Blaise just called him _Draco_? He started to gasp out the question, but his body was too close. He clamped his hands around Blaise's hips, stopping the other wizard's movements so he could drive into him, his breath coming in harsh pants as he felt the hot heat of his orgasm build and flow over him, crying out at the sharp pleasure of it.

Blaise pushed against Theo, his protests forgotten as Theo slammed into him ruthlessly. His cock, caught between them, slid against the hot skin of Theo's abdomen, the frustration of not having quite enough friction to come driving Blaise to take himself in hand, fisting his cock roughly in his eagerness. He felt Theo tense, the shoulder beneath his hand going rigid as he came deep inside Blaise.

"Shit, shit, shit," Blaise moaned, doing his best to rush toward orgasm, not quite so far gone that he could forget what he had just seen, but too close to care who watched. He hissed out another breath as his balls tightened, slumping forward as he came, his head bent and resting on Theo's shoulder.

"What the fuck?" Theo panted, recovered from his orgasm enough to question Blaise about his earlier comment.

"Draco," Blaise gasped, burying his face deeper into Theo's shoulder, but not making any further attempt to explain.

"What –"

A loud rap on the window caused Theo to start, his eyes widening as he saw a blurry figure outside. The window had iced over again after Blaise's hand had fallen away, but Theo had a pretty good idea of who waited for them on the other side of the door.

"Draco. Fuck," Theo moaned, lowering his own head to hide it against Blaise's shoulder.

They sat that way for another long minute, until the chilly interior of the car made it uncomfortable to remain naked, their earlier heated flush from desire and frenzied movement fading. Theo risked another look outside, groaning when he realized Draco wasn't leaving.

Blaise began to giggle, apparently deciding to be amused rather than mortified. Theo shifted uncomfortably, still buried in his arse. Blaise's laughter squeezed his cock, which twitched in renewed interest, despite his embarrassment.

"No point postponing the inevitable," Theo sighed, patting Blaise's naked arse as he helped the other man move so he was seated next him. There wasn't much room inside the car, and getting dressed was going to be a challenge. "Bugger. He's never going to let this go, is he?"

Blaise laughed, shaking his head. He grimaced as his bare arse stuck slightly to the leather seat, slipping into his now-wrinkled trousers as gracefully as he could in the confined space. He suppressed a grin when he saw Theo pull a wool jumper over his head. Blaise's eyes flicked over the truly hideous piece of clothing, his lips curving into a smirk as he grabbed the other jumper off the floor, donning it quickly. Theo was right. It would be better to get this over with quickly.

Once they'd slipped into their shoes, Theo gave Blaise a quick kiss, opening the door and stepping out of the car. He groaned again, realizing both Draco _and_ Harry were standing there, huge grins on both their faces.

Blaise took a bow as he exited, drawing a sharp laugh from Draco. For some reason, Harry looked slightly put out as he glanced between the couple and the car, but Theo shrugged it off –Boy Wonder was likely upset they'd had sex in such a public place. _So prim and proper all the time_, he thought, suppressing an eye roll at what he assumed was yet another manifestation of Harry's utter _Gryffindorness_. He was sure his and Blaise's sex life was much more exciting than Draco's, and for a moment he pitied his fellow Slytherin.

Draco's eyes widened slightly as he glanced at the two of them appraisingly, both his and Harry's lips twitching as they shrugged. Blaise grinned and winked, his expression warning them not to give the joke away to Theo, who had already set off toward the ramshackle house.

He knew they were lucky none of the children – or, Merlin forbid, the older Weasleys – had wandered out. _Then again_, Blaise thought wryly, tossing something to Draco when Harry's back was turned, _it was more than _luck_ that Draco had managed to stumble across us_.

"Pervert," he teased as he passed Draco, hurrying to grab Theo's hand as the other wizard marched toward the house without a word.

***

"Dinner was lovely, Molly. Thanks again for having us," Theo said, ducking his head to kiss the older witch on the forehead.

She blushed, patting him fondly on the cheek.

"And thank you for the jumpers, Molly. You outdid yourself this year," Blaise said, winking at the row of assembled children behind her, all waiting for a good-bye kiss from their uncles.

He grinned rakishly as her blush deepened, her gaze scanning over the two jumpers in question. A smattering of adults laughed, making Theo wonder if he hadn't been the only one to overhear Blaise's earlier jokes about the gifts. Hoping to avoid a scene – because there certainly would be one if Molly found out about _that_ – he urged Blaise toward the Floo. They both bent to hug their many nieces and nephews, drawing giggled good-byes and peals of laughter as they kissed and tickled their way down the line.

Theo straightened, pulling Victoire, the last and tallest (much to Teddy's continued chagrin) in the line, into a quick hug before departing. He paused when she leaned in, poised on her tiptoes so she could whisper in his ear.

"Uncle Theo, why does your jumper have the letter B on it?"

***

Harry twisted uncomfortably, the elastic of the ridiculous costume pulling at his skin. He glared at Draco, who just watched him fidget, looking incredibly amused.

"Can't I just –"

"No. Twenty minutes. That was the bet. If you'd have won, I'd be wearing something just as uncomfortable," Draco cut in, shaking his head.

Harry leaned back against the wall, crossing his arms over his nearly naked torso.

"What about a photo? You could take a photo, and then you'd always be able to enjoy it. There'd be no reason for me to keep this bloody thing on."

Draco's eyes sparkled as he laughed, pulling a small camera from his pocket. He waved it at Harry, his brows waggling.

"I was planning to," he said with a smirk, his grin growing as Harry's shoulders slumped. "Eighteen more minutes."

"I still don't know how you could have guessed Blaise and Theo would sneak away to shag in Arthur's new Cadillac," Harry pouted. Arthur's old Ford Anglia finally died earlier that year, and Harry and Draco spent months tracking down another enchanted car for him. "How they even got in –"

He paused, his eyes flashing as he looked at Draco's face. The blond's smug grin told Harry everything he needed to know.

"You bastard," he laughed, giving Draco a push. "You gave them the keys!"

Draco grinned, leaning over to press a quick kiss to Harry's laughing mouth.

"I may have had an extra set made when we bought the car for Arthur, yes," he purred, digging in his trouser pocket until he found the keys in question. He dangled them in front of Harry's widening eyes, letting the metal jingle. "For emergencies, of course."

"You cheated!" Harry cried, grabbing the handcuffs that were attached to his belt.

Draco let out an undignified giggle and darted away, Harry chasing him as fast as the thigh-high fishnet tights and combat boots would let him. He gave up when his pursuit landed him arse-first on the floor, the slippery soles of the unfamiliar shoes sliding out from underneath him as he rounded the corner into Draco's study.

Harry sat on the floor, rubbing his elbow, which had somehow cracked against the wood floor in his ungraceful fall. He glared up at Draco, who laughed, moving from the desk he'd taken refuge behind a moment earlier.

"This is _not_ what Muggle policemen wear, you know," he said, his eyes narrowed as he watched Draco's advance.

Draco shrugged. "It may not be what they wear here, but it's what they wear in America. It was in that film."

Harry blew out a frustrated breath, accepting the hand Draco offered him. The blond pulled him up off the floor, running his hands appraisingly over Harry's arse. His fingers kneaded the sore flesh, making Harry groan with more than just appreciation for the massage.

"I've been to America," Harry said, his eyes closed as Draco's rubs became firmer. "This is definitely not how they dress."

Draco dipped his head, pressing a kiss to Harry's neck. "They did in the film."

Harry laughed, the sound turning into a moan as Draco's sharp teeth nipped at tender flesh.

"It was a porno, Draco. _Sexy Sheriffs of the Southwest_? Does that really sound like an actual film?"

Draco smiled, his lips brushing against Harry's skin as he kissed the red marks he'd just made on the golden flesh. Harry groaned again, pressing his growing erection against Draco's hip.

"It was very -" Draco lifted his head, claiming Harry's mouth in a hard kiss, "-informative."

"Exactly," Harry said, breaking away from the kiss, his eyes full of amusement and arousal. "A normal film wouldn't have included that much sex. And there had to be some special effects, because _no one _is that flexible."

"Mmm," Draco agreed, his tongue tracing the line of Harry's jaw. It was slightly abrasive, and Draco loved the way Harry's stubble felt against the tender skin of his tongue.

"Can I take it off, then?" Harry asked, his breath hissing out when Draco's hand closed over his cock. His palm was hot through the thin fabric of that strained to cover his hard length. "Since you cheated."

Draco laughed, shaking his head. "I didn't cheat. I just used Slytherin tactics."

Harry narrowed his eyes, his brow furrowed. "You made a bet with me, and then you did everything you could to ensure you won. You cheated."

"Slytherin tactics," Draco repeated, emphasizing the point by squeezing Harry's aching cock, his eyes focused on Harry's.

A satisfied smirk stole over Draco's face as he watched Harry's pupils dilate, his expression losing its distain as his face slackened with desire.

Harry pulled away, anxious to turn the tables on the blond. He pushed Draco into his desk chair, giving him a saucy grin when he quirked an eyebrow at the move. Harry Summoned his wand from the bedroom. He flicked it at the wireless, watching Draco's eyes widen as the heavy beats from a familiar song filled the room.

"Remember this part of the film?" Harry purred, his fingers tracing a path up his stocking-clad thigh, ghosting them along the hard ridge of his erection.

"Merlin," Draco breathed, riveted on the sight of Harry pleasuring himself through the miniscule thong, gasping as Harry's fingers glided over the barely concealed satiny skin.

Harry closed his eyes, his hips swaying in time with the music as he shrugged out of the tiny vest Draco had insisted he wear, letting the fabric slide slowly off his shoulders. He wiggled suggestively, helping the vest shimmy down his arms, finally letting his hand slip free. He tossed it at Draco, who batted it away, irritated at anything that disrupted his view of Harry's strip tease.

"I can't remember," Harry said, his eyes nearly black as he watched Draco stare, glassy-eyed, at the show he was putting on for him. "What did he take off next?"

Draco swallowed, his throat too dry to speak. He was afraid to as much as blink – he didn't want to miss a moment of this unprecedented treat.

"Boots."

Harry nodded, closing the gap between them. He heard Draco's rapid breathing, a hot bolt of satisfaction sweeping through him that he'd been the one to reduce Draco to this state, not some actor in a film. He raised a leg, letting the heavy boot rest on the arm of Draco's chair. The blond followed the movement, enraptured with the long leg that now trapped him in his seat.

"So many laces," Harry pouted, his lower lip jutting out enticingly. Draco was torn between the desire to lick a trail up Harry's fishnet-covered thigh or capture the protruding lip with his teeth. He moved forward, but Harry smacked a hand against his chest, forcing him back. "No touching, remember? There wasn't any touching in _this_ part of the film."

As Harry had intended, Draco's pulse jumped at the words, which quickly brought to mind the multitude of scenes that _had_ featured touching – lots of hot, steamy sex. Draco swallowed again, his cock uncomfortably tight in his confining trousers. Harry was right. It had definitely been a porno, not a film.

Harry slowly unlaced the boots, a long process, since they came to mid-calf. He kept his eyes locked on Draco, his expression making it clear that he'd be more than willing to re-enact those other scenes, too.

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, at least to Draco, Harry had worked the laces loose enough to free his foot. He waved the boot in Draco's face, allowing the blond to grasp it and pull it off. Harry's foot dropped to Draco's lap, his toes rubbing against the hard length he found there. Draco made another grab for the dark-haired wizard, who shook his head, removing the teasing foot. He placed his other booted foot on the opposite arm of the chair, this time nodding for Draco to unlace it.

Fingers trembling, Draco raced through the laces, cursing the heavy boots. Harry narrowed his eyes at the muttered words, silently reminding Draco that the outfit had been _his_ idea – it wasn't something Harry would have ever willingly worn, if not for the lost bet.

When the second boot hit the floor with a resounding thunk, Draco lifted Harry's foot to his mouth, his tongue gliding across the arch. Harry groaned, wincing slightly when his already-hard cock jumped, making the ridiculous thong he wore uncomfortably tight. Deciding he – and Draco – had been tortured enough, he ran his fingers down his thighs, letting the tips slide under the top of the stocking. He heard Draco's breath catch as he began to slowly roll it down his leg, careful not to pull his leg hair. Draco had suggested he use a _Pilo_ spell on his legs, but Harry had drawn the line at that. The costume was ridiculous enough – he wasn't going to shave his leg hair, too.

His own breathing was quickening as more flesh was revealed, the anticipation of what would happen next building with the arousal burning low in his belly. Harry worked the first stocking free, wiggling his toes experimentally as the uncomfortable fabric fell away. He let his leg slide to the floor, watching as Draco's slightly disappointed gaze followed the naked skin.

He reached out to grab Draco's hands, resting them against the firm flesh of his other thigh, urging him to remove the remaining stocking. Draco fumbled to comply, ripping part of the delicate fabric in his haste to free Harry from it. Harry laughed, excitement thrumming through him at Draco's obvious desperation.

"What was it the sheriff said?" Harry asked, his voice hoarse with his own desire. Draco's eyes flicked up to his face, his expression hopeful. "Oh, yes. 'Would you like to see my badge, son'?"

Draco grinned, his hand roughly cupping Harry's erection through the silky fabric of the thong. Harry's eyes closed, his head thrown back as he enjoyed the feeling of Draco's warm palm and firm grip.

"I think a closer inspection is in order," Draco whispered, drawing the thin fabric down Harry's legs. The dark-haired wizard helpfully stepped out of the scrap of fabric, leaving him completely naked.

Draco simply enjoyed the sight of Harry's beautiful cock for a moment, a shiver of pleasure rippling through him as he watched it bob in anticipation of his next move. Draco pulled Harry closer, nudging his hips to encourage the other man to perch on the edge of the desk. Harry complied, pushing bits of parchment out of the way to clear room for himself.

Draco smiled, easing himself forward into the space between Harry's open thighs, still seated in his desk chair. The angle was perfect, and he made a mental note to do this again sometime as he lowered his head and swallowed Harry's cock to the root in one smooth motion.

"Fuck," Harry hissed, falling back onto the desk, his elbows supporting his weight as his muscles trembled with pleasure and need.

Draco hummed in agreement, his own cock jumping when Harry whimpered at the vibration. He vaguely registered hearing Harry Summon a pot of lube from their bedroom, laughing as Harry thrust it into his hand, which was braced against the desk. _Eager_, he thought with a smile, his mouth leaving Harry's cock so he could open the lube and liberally coat his fingers with the slick substance.

Harry sighed softly as Draco's hot mouth returned to his aching cock, his slick fingers soon ghosting down Harry's balls and rubbing against his entrance. The dark-haired wizard arched when Draco's finger breached him at the same moment his tongue swiped over the head of his cock, wordless sounds of pleasure falling from his lips at the dueling sensations.

"Chair or desk?" Draco whispered, his mouth slipping wetly off Harry's erection.

"Desk," Harry said quickly, thinking sex on the chair was too like what they'd witnessed earlier in the day. It had been undeniably hot, but he wasn't eager to replicate _that_. "Definitely desk."

Draco chuckled, a low sound that sent a shiver of desire through Harry. He had no trouble following Harry's thoughts, and he silently agreed – re-enacting a porno scene was one thing, but thinking about two of your best friends during sex was quite another.

Harry hitched himself further up on the desk, letting his back rest fully against it. He shifted uncomfortably, knocking a bottle of ink over with his shoulder as he moved. Draco grinned wickedly as he watched the dark fluid seep across the desk. He dipped his finger in it, trailing it in a looping pattern on Harry's lightly tanned chest.

"What are you doing?" Harry laughed, craning his neck to see the design Draco was drawing. It was a bow.

"Making it official," Draco said, finishing the drawing with a flourish. "You're one of the best Christmas presents I've ever gotten."

Harry let his head drop back to the desk heavily, groaning. No one would believe him if he told them what a sap the famed Slytherin Ice Prince could be. It was a side of him only Harry got to see.

"Lame," he chided, closing his eyes as Draco lubed his cock and positioned himself, the blunt head warm against Harry's entrance. "It's hardly a present if you can have it every day."

Draco laughed, the sound turning into a hiss as he pushed inside Harry's tight heat. Harry pushed back against him, urging him in deeper until Draco's cock was fully sheathed.

"I say it's a present," he gasped, snapping his hips back to drive into Harry again. "You'll think it's a present when you get to do the same later."

Harry grinned, moaning when Draco's cock ran over his prostate. They'd been together for five years, nearly inseparable from the moment they had finally admitted their attraction to each other after dancing around it uncomfortably when they found themselves thrown together because a Ministry fluke – an office shortage that resulted in an Auror and a forensic potions specialist sharing a small space in the Department of Magical Law Enforcement.

"No argument there," Harry said, wrapping his legs around Draco's waist to pull him in deeper.

"Mmm," Draco agreed, quickening the pace of his thrusts. Harry grabbed the edge of the desk, holding on so Draco's forceful thrusts didn't scoot him across the cluttered surface.

He heard Draco's breathing hitch, a sign the blond was close. One of the hands gripping his hips disappeared, fingers wrapping firmly around Harry's cock a moment later.

"Oh God, yes," Harry groaned, encouraging Draco to stroke him faster.

Draco's hand tightened almost painfully as the blond came, Harry's name on his lips as he buried himself inside him, his body shuddering with the force of his orgasm. The dark-haired wizard shivered, Draco's obvious pleasure sending a twinge of delight through him, as it always did. He watched as grey eyes blinked open, a goofy grin stealing across the usually aloof aristocratic face.

Draco pulled out without warning, and Harry winced at the loss. Still panting from his release, Draco dropped to his knees, pulling Harry closer to the edge of the desk. His cock bobbed at the movement, its head dark swollen.

Draco leaned forward, his eyes locked on Harry's, as his tongue darted out, swirling around Harry's loosened entrance. Harry felt dizzy at the sensation, propped up on his elbows, watching Draco lick his own come from Harry's arse. The dark-haired wizard moaned, and Draco repeated the noise, the vibrations rumbling straight to Harry's aching cock.

The talented tongue drove inside him, thrusting teasingly before sliding out and licking a path up Harry's tightening balls, finally trailing wetly over the hot skin of Harry's neglected erection. Harry moaned wordlessly as Draco's mouth wrapped around him, lips carefully shielding teeth as he completely engulfed Harry's thick cock.

Harry cried out Draco's name as the blond swallowed around his member, his throat closing convulsively over the sensitive head of his cock. He pulled back slightly as he came, not wanting to choke Draco as he spurted his release into his mouth.

Draco continued sucking, milking the last of Harry's orgasm out of him, his mouth leaving him only when Harry's hands fisted in his hair, urging him away from the softening flesh as the stimulation became too much.

"So, I take it you like the costume?" Harry asked, deadpan, as he slid off the desk.

Draco stood, still grinning like an idiot, and grabbed Harry's hand to lead him back to the bedroom, thankful for the hundredth time that they'd decided not to live at Malfoy Manor. He quite enjoyed having sex with Harry anywhere they wanted, which wouldn't have been possible in his ancestral home, since his parents were still in residence.

They slid into bed, burrowing under the blankets to ward off the late December chill. Even with fireplaces and Warming charms, the bedroom in the drafty old flat tended to be cool. Neither of the men cared, since it gave them a good reason to sleep wrapped around each other.

"Actually, I really do have another present for you," Harry said, ruffling Draco's hair, which he knew the blond hated.

"You do?" Draco asked, lifting his head to squint at Harry. They'd already exchanged gifts this morning, part of their Christmas celebration with Lucius and Narcissa.

"It wasn't something I thought you'd want your parents to see," Harry said, grinning as he dug around in his bedside table for a thin box. "Happy Christmas!"

Draco quirked an eyebrow at him, pushing himself into a sitting position so he could tear the garish wrapping paper – this year, Harry had gone with red paper charmed with moving Snitches – from the slim box. His eyes widened in delight when he saw what it was – a Muggle DVD.

"_Hotties of the Heartland_?" he laughed, ogling the nearly naked farmers on the cover.

"It's by the same company that made _Sexy Sheriffs of the Southwest_," Harry said, waggling his eyebrows suggestively. "This obsession you're developing with American Muggles is very entertaining."

Draco threw the box aside, rolling so he pinned Harry to the bed.

"Happy Christmas indeed," he said, lowering his head to kiss Harry's neck. He grabbed Harry's hand, rubbing it over his arse as he ground his erection against Harry's thigh. "Want to claim your present now?"

– The End –


End file.
